The Written Evidence

Letters from a child abuser

After I had finally persuaded the Salesians in 2004 that it was not safe to continue to keep me silenced under legal restraint, as it meant Madley could continue to be a risk to children or vulnerable adults, I contacted Surrey Police again and asked for their advice. They confirmed that, following the Soham murder inquiry, the rules about logging allegations of child abuse had changed. Therfore, if I were to bring a private criminal prosecution against Madley, win or lose, my allegations would be recorded, and when subsequently, any employer did the now statutory background checks, the allegation would show up through the new Criminal Records Bureau search they would have to undertake, if he were applying to work with children or vulnerable adults.

So, on April 1st, 2004, having tracked Madley down, I wrote to him to tell him that I intended to bring a private criminal prosecution against him. This time, instead of denying what he had done, he wrote me a series of letters asking me to forgive him. His reasons for writing are still not fully explained, but the most likely scenario was that he knew that I was not going to give up, and, just in case I was able to bring a prosecution, it would obviously help his case if could show the court that he had shown remorse and tried hard to help his 'victim', having suddenly and miraculously "remembered" every single detail of how he had sexually abused me at my school, at my home, at his home and in Wales, memories which had failed him during his original police interview in April 2000.

His reply to my letter was not what I had expected. When I had first written to him, back in 2001, after the collapse of the original police investigation, to tell him that I was going to sue him in the civil courts, I received a very threatening letter from his union's (NASUWT) lawyers, warning me that they were prepared to take robust action against me for daring to make such outrageous allegations aginst their member. I responded by telling them effectively to piss off - and that I would see them in court! It was with this in mind that I had expected something similar this time around - but Madley's response was very different - asking if I would meet with him. The tone of his letter had a hint of remorse - which, although I could not detect as being genuine or otherwise, I felt instinctively that this was an opening that I could not afford to waste, so I took the decision, painful though it was, to respond to him in as gentle a way as was possible, to see how much information he was willing to provide.

My hunch proved correct, and after his third letter, written on 17th April 2004, it was clear that he wanted to talk. I contacted the police again and told them what he had been saying so far. They responded instantly, driving to Liverpool the following morning to look at the letters! Having read them, the police decided there was enough information to enable them to re-open their investigation.

In the following four months, Madley wrote a total of 14 letters to me, and held ten detailed and lengthy telephone conversations with David Williams, all of which were tape recorded and passed to the police who, by now had built a significant case against him. It was time to act. Madley was arrested early in the morning on Sunday October 17th, 2004, by DC John Hobbs from Surrey Police.  He was taken to Collingwood police station in London, where he admitted everything he had done to me to DC Hobbs. He also disclosed the full details of the conspiracy the Salesians had organised to cover it all up. There appeared to be no love lost between Madley and the Salesians, who had fallen out in 1998, resulting in Madley being 'pensioned off' on the grounds of ill health.

Madley was questioned again at Woking Police Station on October 27th, 2004, where he gave more details about what he had done to me back in 1966/68. A case file was then sent to the CPS, who deliberated for six weeks, to ensure they made the right decision this time, and he was subsequently charged with one specimen count of buggery of a minor, and two specimen counts of indecent assault of a minor, all under the 1963 Sexual Offences Act.

These are the letters we exchanged that finally brought my abuser before the courts.
You can read the telephone phone conversation transcripts by clicking on the 'Confession' button on the left.

1 April 2004

Dear Hugh,

An appropriate date to write. You probably thought that you were in the clear following the CPS decision back in 2000 not to bringcharges against you due to what they said was 'a lack of evidence,' for the sexual offences you committed against me when I was a child. There was, of course, plenty of evidence - my evidence - the evidence of the child who you groomed and then sexually abused.

Since then, much has changed.The support, albeit limited, that you originally enjoyed from the Salesians has now been completely eroded by my continuous efforts to educate them about the nature of child sexual abuse, its impact and its legacy. They now, finally, accept that I was telling the truth, and you were lying. This is, of course, the one thing that you always said to me would never happen. Well; it has. They now accept that you are a child abuser, a paedophile and a liar.

I have now gained the full agreement from the Salesian Order in the UK and their lawyers, that they will not stand in my way if Ibring a private prosecution against you for what you did to me: what you did to me at the Salesian College in Chertsey, in my bedroom, at your mother's house and at the derelict cottage in Wales. Consequently, I have written to Surrey Police and instructed them to begin a private criminal prosecution against you. Obviously, you will remain in the eyes of the law innocent until you can be proved guilty, but I will do everything in my power to bring you in front of a judge and a jury; of that you can be assured.

 I am looking forward to seeing you again, but this time I will face you as a man, not as a child. We will see then who is telling the truth.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer - Victim No Longer

5 April 2004

 Dear Graham,

I wondered if you would be prepared to meet me some time in the near future? I hope you are well. I do not have your phone no. but mine is 0208 201 0244 if you wish to speak to me to make arrangements.

Yours sincerely
P.S. I have an answer phone if I am out.

10 April 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 5 April 2004. You will understand that the thought of meeting with you fills me with very considerable apprehension after everything I have been through. I have discussed your request with my counsellor and been advised that now is not the time. However, I am prepared to exchange correspondence with you so if you want to write to me to explain what it is that you want to say to me, I will respond.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer - Victim No Longer

14 April 2004

Dear Graham,

I appreciate your reply to my letter of the 5th. I am sensitive to your feelings and assure you of my best intent. I hope a meeting when you feel appropriate will help us both. One thing I have realised is that I accidentally misled you in '68. We were talking but were interrupted. I did not complete what I was saying to you and I believe this caused you grief.

I hope to help you in possible. I remember you came to see me the year after I left when I brought a cricket team to Chertsey. I was pleased to see you and you seemed well. I think you told me you were working in a hospital. We went for a drink after i gave you a lift home. We were going to arrange another tour of Wales but circumstances prevented me. I believe we parted as friends and it is my wish to regain at least something of that friendship if at all possible.

All the best

15 April 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 14 April 2004. What do you mean when you say that you have realised that you 'accidentally mislead' me in '68? I don't understand what you are talking about. What happened between us is quite simple. You befriended me at school and overtime ensnared me into a sexual relationship with you when I was under 16 years of age, i.e. still a child. You did this to me at two of the houses in Station Road owned by the school. You also did it to me at my house in Pyrford and in the cottage in Wales when you took me on holiday.

You swore me to silence and you told me that no one would believe me if I told anyone, but I did tell Fr Maddon in Confession, and he then told Fr O'Shea. They closed ranks against me to protect themselves and the school. They too swore me to silence. Not surprisingly, I subsequently failed all of my 'O'levels and was chucked out of the school. You, on the other hand, were protected by the Salesians and moved to Battersea where you spent the rest of your teaching career. The psychological damage that I suffered as a result of what you did to me ruined my education and brought chaos into my life that endured for the next 30 years, leading eventually in 1999 to a complete mental breakdown.

When I eventually found the courage to disclose to the police in 2000 what you had done to me all those years ago, they came looking for you, arrested you and asked you to account for what had happened. You lied to them by saying that nothing had happened, and because it was your word against mine, they were unable to bring a prosecution against you for lack of evidence. These are the facts, and until you admit that you did this to me, you will never be able to 'help' me as you claim you want to do in your letter.

We never parted as friends as you claim. We were never friends. I hated you then and I hate you now. What you took to be my friendship was nothing more than a terrified child trying hard to deal with something that he did not and could not possibly understand - being used by an adult for sexual gratification.

However you try and justify to yourself that we shared a 'friendship', you know in your heart that it was much much more than that. You used me, and when you were finished with me, you moved on without giving a second thought to what might become of me. That was not friendship, it was abuse.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer - Victim No Longer

17 April 2004

Dear Graham,

I suppose I should have guessed your feelings about me but it still was a bit of a shock. I am truly sorry that this is the situation. Nevertheless I still want to do my best to help in the only way I know how at this late stage. I understand your reluctance to meet with me but I hope you will give me a chnace at least to put things right.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say as I am too nervous to put it in writing. If you do not wish to meet me on your own, would it help if your counsellor was present, or perhaps I could speak to him/her alone. I hope you believe that I am sincere in my offer - I do want to help! Please let me try!

Yours sincerely

20 April 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 17 April 2004. I think I do understand what you are trying to say, even though you are 'too nervous' to put it in writing, but to be sure that I fully understand, I have asked my counsellor to talk with you, as you suggested. Accordingly, he will telephone you and ask you what it is that you want to say. His name is Stephen Wilde and he has been supporting me for the past five years, so he knows everything about the case.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

28 April 2004

Dear Graham,

Sorry for the delay in replying to your letter of 20th April. I will be pleased to speak to Stephen or meet him if he thinks that would be better. Did I give you the correct number? It should be 0208-201-0244. I wondered as there have been no messages. To help Stephen contact me, I am always out Tues-Sun between 11:30 - 2:30 approx, and Mondays 11- 8:30. If I am out any time I will phone him if he leaves his number and contact times

Yours sincerely

8 May 2004

Dear Graham,

Thank you for putting Stephen in touch with me. It was a very emotional talk but Stephen helped me to realise the harm I did to you and I sincerely hope it will help you. I hope you and your family can find it in your heart to forgive me. I had no idea of the damage it caused then or more recently - I am so sorry.

I wish I had been more sensitive to your emotions when we last met in '69. Until recently I did not know how badly you had done in '68, or that the Salesians had refused you the chance to repeat your exams. Had I been aware that you were having problems I would have wanted to help you with your education - if you would have allowed me. I told Stephen I would send all the old Battersea photos that I could find in case you recognise any Priest you spoke to.

Does the name Fr Colin Hamer seem familiar? He is not on the '69 photo but I understand he was a psychology/philosophy expert. He left the Salesian Order some time in the 70's - I hope these will be some help.

Yours sincerely

15 May 2004

Dear Graham,

Last Saturday I sent a tube containing some old school photographs as I promised Stephen. Did you receive them? If not, please let me know and I will chase them up as I sent them special delivery. I hope to be away from next Saturday to visit some old friends in Scotland but it is not fixed yet.

Yours sincerely
P.S. You may spot Roy Fairs on the most recent photo - he taught with me for several years.

17 May 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 8 May, together with the school photos, and your letter of 15 May 2004. I don't recall the name Fr Colin Hamer, but he may well have been the priest who interrogated me back in 68 after I disclosed to Fr Madden and then Fr O'Shea what was happening. I can't remember Roy Fairs either. Did he teach me at Chertsey?

I am glad you were able to talk to Stephen about what you did to me. What you told him has certainly helped me in my recovery, although there is still a long way to go. I have just finished writing a survival guide for victims of sexual abuse. It is called 'Proud To Be Me', and it describes exactly what childhood sexual abuse does to people. It does not, of course, mention you or the school, as that is not its purpose. It should be printed by the end of May. I will send you a copy and I would appreciate any feedback you have once you have read it.

Now that you have been able to recall the events of 66/68 in more detail, I wondered if you might have been able to recall anything else. I am particularly interested to know what exactly was it that you told the Rector the evening you resigned, and what did you say in your resignation letter?

When I left the school, the Rector was Fr Harris. When did Fr Gaffney come into the picture? I don't remember him. There are still parts of the events of 68 that I have blanked out so completely, it is hard to recall them. However, other memories are so deeply burned into my mind that I cannot erase them. It was these memories that plagued me in nightmares and flashbacks when I had my breakdown in 1998/9. The most vivid memories are of the cottage, lying naked on the grey leather seats from your Ford Anglia, and what you did to me that night. I also recall very clearly the cardinal-red candlewick bedcover on your bed in the house next door to the school entrance. There are many other memories, but I won't repeat them here. They are just too painful.

I have forgiven you Hugh for what you did to me, but I can never forget. It is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. What worries me more than anything else at the moment is your statement that I was the only one? What was it about me that made you do what you did? Think about it and write to me again with any thoughts you have. If you would like to talk to Stephen again, let me know and I will ask him to call you at a convenient time.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

19 May 2005
Dear Graham,

Thank you for your forgiveness and letting me know that the talks with Stephen have helped you feel better. It is important to me that this should continue and I will be glad to speak to Stephen at any time. I don't think Fr Hamer is on the '69 photo, he did not last long at the school - A nice chap, but a hopeless teacher. Roy Fairs was in form 5, when you were in 5A. On the '67 Chertsey he is 14th from the left in the 3rd row from the back (in glasses). I think he was wearing a brown/tan suit on the most recent Battersea photo.

When I joined Chertsey in '66 Fr Ford was Headmaster and Fr Harris the Rector. Fr Ford left in Summer 67 and was replaced by Fr O'Shea. Fr Gaffney was (I think) parish priest and became Rector when Fr Harris left some time before Christmas '67. The night you told me that the Salesians knew what was going on, I went to see Fr O'Shea after supper but he was not there. I asked Fr Gaffney if I could speak to him and he took me to his office - I knew at once that he was aware about what I had to say. He helped me through it, (like Stephen) and I admitted my offences. I told him that I had not set out that first time to offend, that it had just happened and I assured him that I would never offend against a child again. He said he believed me about the first time but what about the other times? - I had no answer to this. After a while, he told me I must resign which I did on the spot. He did not ask me to do this in writing but he said he would see Fr O'Shea in the morning. To the best of my knowledge, Fr O'Shea never mentioned anything about what had happened.

 It seemed only a short time after that he died and I met and spoke to Fr George Williams after the funeral at the school. I repeated what I had said to Fr Gaffney. Fr Williams questioned me for some time and I repeated my promise that I would never offend again. After a while, he asked me what I was doing next year. I had nothing fixed up and he told me of Fr Perla's move to be Parish Priest at Battersea and he would not stand in my way if I applied for the post. I was gob-smacked at this but on reflection think they wanted to keep an eye on me! One thing that I think I have remembered since I spoke to Stephen is about the night you told me. I think you said "The Salesians want you to resign." Did they get you to say this to me when they should have questioned me themselves?

Graham - I have kept my word to both Fr Gaffney and Fr Williams that I would never offend against a child again. Even when we met in '69 and you were no longer a pupil, I did not want to risk breaking my word and risk offending again. You cannot know the terror that I felt that night or for years after. I did not know you had been sworn to silence by the Salesians. I assumed that your parents would have been told and might have wanted further action. I worked very hard at Battersea and have always done my best to help my pupils - I think successfully. In one year from a three form entry school, I had 32 pupils doing 'A' Chemistry and most passed well. I am very much engaged now with helping neighbours and friends and especially my uncle who helped me so much when my mother was dying. I cannot remember who became Rector after Fr Gaffney died - possibly Fr Harris came back to plug the gap. I will be pleased to speak with Stephen again as to why/how it happened. I am very concerned that it might reawaken memories best forgotten and may make things harder for you - This is the last thing I want to do - I had hoped to speak to you personally on this matter so I might know if it would be best to shut up! I am sure Stephen will be experienced enough to know what is best.

 I hope your progress continues and pledge you my help.

Yours sincerely

P.S. I will now be going to Scotland on the 22nd, provided my car lets me (2 weeks) (It has done 234.000 miles so far!) Another 12K and it will have reached the moon!
P.P.S. I will be pleased to receive a copy of your book.

14 June 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 19 May, which was helpful. I hope your trip to Scotland was a relaxing time for you and your car did not let you down. There are a couple more questions that you could help me with if you don't mind. I have listed them numerically for ease of reply.

 1. What was the name of the headmaster at Battersea when you joined the staff there?

 2. Did he ever talk to you about what had happened, and, if yes, what did he say?

 3. Did Fr Golding ever talk to you about what had happened, and, if yes, what did he say?

 4. Was Fr Golding the deputy head, and was he the same Fr Golding who taught me physics at Chertsey?

 5. Can you remember what month it was when Martin Allen died?

 6. In December 2000, the Salesians say they questioned Fr O'Shea and Fr Williams about me. Both Fr O'Shea and Fr Williams said that not only could they not remember me, but also they had no recollection of any incident involving you or me either. They maintained this position when questioned by the police, and they maintained it when they met with me at the mediation. Given the detail of the confession you made to both of them, and the subsequent actions involving your move to Battersea, would you not have expected them to remember your discussions with them?

 7. Did anybody from SDB, or their lawyers ever talk to you about me in 2000 or 2001, and, if yes, what did they say?

 8. Did you know that your union (NASUWT) had shut down two of my web sites in 2000 when I was trying to find out more about what had happened to you at Battersea? Had you instructed them to do that?

 9. Did you know that your union's lawyers (Thompson's) had threatened to sue me if I continued to speak about what you had done to me?

 10. When Thompson's informed you in February 2001 that I had signed an agreement with the Salesians, what exactly did they tell you?

 If you could answer these is as much detail as possible, it would be a big help. I am trying to piece together everything that happened so that when I go back and face the Salesians again, I have a much better case than I had when I faced them before. They betrayed me Hugh, not just when I first went to them for help back in 1968, but when I went back in February 2001 and met with them at the mediation. At that time, I did not know that you had also told them what had happened and that you had resigned. All they would tell me was that they had no idea what I was talking about, other than what I was saying at the time. What I now know, of course, is that they had known all along, because you yourself had told them! This means they conspired to keep silent based on the fact that, as you had denied my allegations when the police interviewed you in April 2000, all they had to do to avoid any trouble was to deny any knowledge if it either, knowing that the case against you would collapse due to lack of evidence, which is what happened. I hope you are well and I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

17 June 2004

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your letter of the 14th. My first week in Scotland was excellent. I visited Sky, Mull (much better) and most places North and West. My friend in Pooleve has been in hospital for a month so I visited her in Raigmore Hospital (Inverness). Her son hopes she will be out by this weekend (she is 84).

In the second week I was gold-panning in the Kildonan Burn near Helmsdale but a combination of too much sun and food poisoning knocked me up for three days so I cut the holiday short.

Q1. In answer to your questions, it might help if I list Headmasters and Deputies till the mid 80's.
- Approx. 75   Fr J Foley (HM)
- Approx 73 Fr M Blackburn (DH - became Head at Farnborough)
73 - 75 (Fr Douglas DH)

 Fr Foley died in 75 and Fr Douglas became Headmaster. Fr Barrett became D. Head. Fr Douglas retired in 85 (approx) and Fr Blackburn came back as Headmaster.

 Q2. Fr Foley called me into his office during the 1st week of term in 1968 and told me that he was aware of all that had happened at Chertsey, also that a 'close eye' would be kept on me. Fr Blackburn (D. Head) was the other Chemistry teacher at Battersea working in the Lab. but never made any reference to what had happened.

 Q3+4. Fr Golding was never at Battersea in my time, but at Chertsey he was Deputy Head and my Line Manager as Head of Science. I suspect he had been told (in his position) but never said anything. I visited Fr Golding between 98-99 but although he did not seem very well, he seemed to have a good memory.

Q5. I cannot remeber the exact month Martin died but I think it was between Nov 67 and Jan 68. I used to have an 'In Memoriam' card to 'Martin Bayliss Allen'. I have searched my house but had no luck so far. I will keep looking and send it to you if I find it. I think I remember that Martin's father performed the surgery to try and save his life. I just cannot begin to think what he went through.

Q6. What happened in 66-68 cannot have been a 'run of the mill' incident, so I would have expected one or both of them to remember what happened. It is possible they think they are/were protecting either me, or the Salesians or possibly a combination of both. I now know from personal experience, the effect of trauma on 'memory', this might account for their 'loss of memory' - but both!?

Q7. No one from SDB contacted me to see what I had to say. This upset me at the time leaving me isolated. At the time I still did not accept your allegation and had expected their contact and support. I believe now that they knew all along and did not want to confirm it.

Q8. Yes I did know. One day I got home to find a message on my answer phone from the school saying that the allegation had been published on the Net. I have never had access to the Net and spoke to my Union Rep. He down loaded it, sent copies to me and the solicitor who advised them that as I could be clearly identified, it broke some charter or other.

Q9. Yes again. I was in a very bad state mentally at the time. I was receiving both psychotherapy and visited the Redhill Unit for Psychotherapy' weekly. I was offered 'in patient' treatment but could not face that. My solicitor knew how bad I had been, the antidepressants I was (and still am) taking. I had the crisis team come to my house when the doctors felt I was in danger of self harm. My solicitor would say to me at the end of any conversation 'now you are not going to do anything silly are you?' It was only my determination to be around to help my uncle that gave me the strength to resist. I realise you must have been offended by his action but I am sure he feared for my safety.

Q10. I was told that the Salesians had offered you a sum that enabled you to accept and not pursue your claim against them and that you had decided not to press charges against me.

Back to no. 8 again. If you had not put out the stuff about me on the Net and I had not read it again in Dec 03 and had flashbacks and nightmares I would not broken through the mental barrier I must have erected.

Can you remember what the Salesians said to you in 68 after I resigned? Was it before or after this that they swore you to silence?

When we went to Wales, did we either climb Snowdon or go up the mountain railway? Quite a lot of missing from my memory but every so often things seem to flit into my mind.

I hope this will be of further help. Please contact me if I can do any more.

Yours sincerely

P.S. If necessary I will go with you to the Salesians and repeat what I have said if you think it will be helpful.
P.P.S. Are you in contact with any old boys like Simon Beer, Michael Canning, Ralph Brown? I often wonder what has become of my old pupils.
Finally P.P.P.S. Did you recognise any of the priests on the photos that I sent you.

18 June 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 17 May, which was very helpful. If you could find the card about Martin, it would be very special to me. I was very close to the Allen family.

You asked a couple of questions in your letter, which I will try and answer. Firstly, the Salesians never told me that you had resigned. They swore me to silence on the same day that I was interviewed by Fr Williams, the Provincial. This would have been a couple of days after the day I had told Fr Madden what was going on. That day was only a few days before Martin's funeral, which was why I had to confess.

What you may not know is that Martin's father, Dr Allen, asked me to serve at the requiem mass along with Martin's brother, Paul. Ever since you had begun to abuse me, I had stopped going to communion because I thought I was in state of mortal sin, but I was too afraid to go to confession and confess what I thought were my sins. Ever since you first touched me, which was actually in your car on the way home, not in the lab as I think you told Stephen, I had been totally traumatised by what you were doing to me.

You might recall that the mass was actually celebrated by the Bishop of Leeds. He was a close family friend of the Allen's, and godfather to Veronica, one of Martin's sisters. The Bishop knew me well as I had met him many times at the Allen's family home.

The dilemma I faced was that I could not accept communion on the alter during the mass unless I had first gone to confession; that being what I believed at the time, having been so indoctrinated into the Catholic faith by the Salesians for the previous three years.

The idea of refusing communion at the mass, in front of Martin's grieving family, was something I just could not contemplate, so, the only was out for me was to confess what I thought were my sins. I went to see Fr Maddon, he was my housemaster in year 5, and asked him if he would hear my confession. He did, but he was so disturbed by what I had said, he coerced me into repeating outside of the confession what I had told in the confession, which I did. He then went and told Fr O'Shea.

When I told you, I had literally just left the confession with Fr Maddon. I was walking back from the main house towards the classrooms. You were bowling in the nets that were near the stairs that led up to the chemistry lab. I told you that I had told them. You just smirked at me and said that you would deny it and that they would never believe me. Fr Williams interviewed me a few days later. He asked me very detailed questions about my sexuality. I had no real idea what the bastard was up to, but it is clear now that he was trying to see if I was in any way to blame! The fact that I was a child under 16 and you were an adult and my teacher, seemed to be of little consequence to him. He just wanted to know if I had ever done anything like that with anyone else., which, of course, I had not. Incidentally, it seems Fr Maddon was also himself an abuser. Two other boys came forward in 2000 with allegations about what he had done to them at Chertsey. His death prevented any prosecution.

I can't really remember what happened after I had been interviewed by Fr Williams, but I presume that you stayed on at the school working out your notice period until we broke up after the 'o' levels in June 1968. When in fact did you leave the school? You also mentioned to Stephen that you returned in 1969 with a cricket team from Battersea, and that you met me again and took me for a drink in a pub. I don't remember that. How did you make contact with me, and why did you not tell me then that you had resigned? What did we talk about?

I cannot remember if you took me up Snowdon or not. I recall vividly the time you turned up at the youth hostel I was staying at near Chepstow when I was on a school trip with Brother John and a group of lads from my class. You persuaded Brother John to let you take me home on the back of your bike. All the lads thought that was very strange. Before we made the journey back, you took me part-way up Sugar Loaf Mountain on the bike. It was a Matchless 500. On the way home, we stopped in Reading and had a meal. I had an egg curry. I have never forgotten that.

As for my old classmates; I see Paul meek regularly. We have remained close family friends ever since we left school. Michael Canning lives in California, but he visits our family regularly and stays for a couple of weeks each time. He was here with us last in April this year. Ralph Brown also lives in the USA. I spoke to him a couple of months ago via e-mail. I have never seen Simon Beer again since I left school, so I don't know what happened to him.

I hope you are well and I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

21 June 2004

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your letter of the 18th June and sorry for the delay in replying. I have spent the weekend looking for Martin's card but with no such luck so far. It is quite a while since I last saw it but I will keep looking. I told Stephen that I purchased a kit for an RF signal generator some time after x Mass 67, and spent time in the lab building it. I believe the first time I offended against you happened some time later (March - April?) when I brought it to your house to demonstrate it to you, using it as a short range transmitter. I think it interferred with some local police car radio traffic. I know I was using the motor bike (a Matchless 600cc G11) as I did not have use of my father's car till the summer term.

I did not know just how close you were to Martin and his family until your last letter and I fully recognise the dilemma you faced. I remember a little about the Mass, and the effect of Martin's death on the whole school. I was unable to receive communion then as I had not had the courage to go to confession until much later that year.

My memory of how you told me was different. What I seem to remember is that some time after Martin's death you asked me to come to your house one evening as you had something to tell me. When I arrived, we went for a short drive and you told me they 'knew about us'. I don't remember you telling me how they knew, in fact only by reading the internet material around December did I know you had told them and the connection to Martin. I do remember saying I would deny it and you would not believed. I just could not do it, so I went and admitted it to Fr Gaffney that night and resigned immediately. I am sure I started to tell you the following day but was interrupted by someone coming down the stairs. It never occurred to me that you still thought I had denied it. I am sure I was not playing cricket as the nets did not go up until the summer term.

The exact date of Martin's death could be quite important so are you able to contact Chertsey, I don't think I can. If not, do you know where Martin is buried as I could visit the church and look for the records! I was very surprised to learn how you were treated at the time as it seems to be against what the Salesians were all about!

I did work out my notice until July and remember one thing vividly which I told Stephen. As you came out of the Chemistry exam I asked the boys around 'how did it go?' You said 'Wasn't it easy'. My heart fell at this because it was just about the trickiest paper I had seen for a long time.

I now remeber we went up a mountain in the Brecon Beakons called Corn Du. We had almost reached the top when we got caught in a sudden downpour and got soaked to the skin.

I brought the U13 team from Battersea (and 2 other teams) to Chertsey and towards the end you came down to the field and watched the end of the match.

I had not contacted you in accordance with my promise to Fr Gaffney, perhaps you were in Chertsey and looked in on the chance of seeing old friends that would have been in the there, but after the match we chatted, went into the pub down Station Rd. for a 'swift half' and I gave you a lift home.

I think I spoke about Battersea mostly, comparing it with Chertsey and saying how much noisier the Boys were, about an Irish tecaher at Battersea who delighted in leg-pulling and found me ideally suited!

You told me you were working in a hospital (St. Peters?) We spoke about going to Wales again but I thought later better not to break my promise.

It did not occur to me to tell you I had resigned as I probably thought and expected the Salesians would have done after my admission to Fr Gaffney.

Perhaps if I had known how they had treated you and not told you I had confessed you could have been saved the trauma you have been through recently - sorry, I think when we met neither of us wanted to talk about what happened.

I remember the trip in autumn 66. You and others were walking from Blaisdon to St Braivels Y.H. during the half term.

I was going down to my father's place to make sure it was OK and had not been vandalised. I said I would keep an eye-out for you and I remember giving you, Ralph and a couple of others a lift from the Forest of Dean to St Braivels.

That night, several boys wanted to go down to the old station at llandogs and examine it by torch light, and I think I ferried about six of you down to the station. Before doing so, I was offered a cup of tea and either Paul Meek or Tony.....(Mr Lowe's nephew) offered me some sugar. After the 4th spoon he said 'would you like some tea with your sugar!!' Another night you told me that Paul had said he was going into the local and ask for a pint, but his nerve failed him and he asked for a 'p-p-pickled egg please.'

I hope you are feeling better and continue to make progress.

Yours sincerely
P.S. I knew nothing about Fr Madden.
P.P.S. I will be away from 26th June for about five days to visit my cousin.

Dear Graham,

Can you help me on a totally different matter?
I have an Apple Mac computer (1973) Quadra 840AV that packed up before Christmas. I have stripped it down and found several badly burnt components in the power supply. I can repair them but cannot find their values. Do you know of any site on the net that I could access from my library that gives circuit diagrams of old Mac computers? I do a lot of slide scanning but cannot manage the cost of a new Mac and software/hardware just at this time.

23 June 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 21 June, which was very helpful. Stephen has asked me to tell you that although our correspondence is very difficult for me, it is helpful. When your letters arrive, I don't open them immediately. I wait until Stephen is available and I give them to him. He reads them and talks me through what you have said. I respond and he then helps me write the reply, which I sign and send on to you.

There would seem to be some discrepancy in your account of dates and time. However, I am very clear of the sequence of events and the places and times that you abused me. I definitely told you that I had told Fr Maddon about what you were doing to me in the afternoon at school. I met you as I was making my way back across the playground. You were bowling to some lads in the cricket nets in the playground. It was autumn, and the nets had not yet been taken down.

The episode over the signal generator occurred at my house over a weekend. You stayed the night because my parents were on holiday in Devon. They had gone on ahead of me because school had not broken up yet. I think it was the Easter holiday. I joined them the next day, Saturday, after a long coach ride. You did not abuse me that night, although you did hug me on the stairs before we retired to bed - separately. You slept in my elder sister's bed, which was in the new extension we had had built on the side of the house. I slept in my own room. I can recall very clearly saying to you that I did not want you to sexually touch me because I didn't feel well. You agreed and went to bed on your own. You had been abusing me for some time before this event, so your recollection is not quite right here. Perhaps you may be confusing me with some other boy.

Do you remember the night I came to stay at your house in London? I recall it well as after I had gone to bed, you and your mother came and woke me up to look at a house fire that was burning not far away. We went to the window and you pressed up against me from behind, even though your mother was standing right next to me. I was only wearing a pair of underpants, as I did not have any pj's. I felt very vulnerable.

A few other things. 1) Did you offer your resignation, or did Fr Gaffney ask you to resign? 2) Can you recall the name of the pub you say you took me to in 1969? 3)Why can't you contact Chertsey to ask about the date of Martin's death?

One other thing. You say you worked out your notice until July 68. What was your relationship with me during that period? Did you simply ignore me, or did you continue to have contact with me?

You make no mention in your letter of the journey home from Wales on your bike. I wore your helmet if you recall. You just wore the goggles.

Stephen told me that you had said that Fr Foley had instructed that you were not allowed to be alone with other boys on out of school activities. How then were you able to bring the U13 team to Chertsey, plus the two other teams? Seems to me that they were not keeping such a close eye on you as they said they would.

Do you recall taking other boys camping? I have been told that you took a boy called Cleary camping with you on one, or perhaps several occasions. I was also told that you had taken some boys to your Father's cottage in Wales, the same cottage that you told Stephen that you had had full intercourse with me in.

I had never known that you had been moved to Battersea until WPC Sarah Harris told me in April 2000 after she had tracked you down, so it could not have been me that you took to the pub in 1969, where you say you talked mostly about the differences between Chertsey and Battersea. Are you sure that really happened, or was it some other boy you took to the pub?

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

25 June 04

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your letter of 23rd. I am pleased it was helpful but I am sorry you find it difficult. I also find it difficult but know I must if I am to be of help to you and try to make up for what I did to you. It has depressed me very much to realise the harm I did but felt a little better after talking to Stephen.

I know there are discrepancies in our memories and have tried to reconcile them but cannot at the moment. I was always mad keen on cricket and I remember helping Fr Murphy put them up in Summer 67. I also think I remember helping him take them down at the end of term. I believe the date of Martin's death is critical, and possibly even later than I recall. I think if I contacted Chertsey they might not reply or be unhelpful.

My memory of the signal generator episode is also a bit different. It cannot have been a Friday because I remember taking you to school the following day on my m/cycle and dropping you off just before the crossing.

There was another time (later) that your Mother asked me to stay to make sure you got up in time to catch the coach to meet them. I came over with you with the intention of staying but during the evening Michael Canning came around. He said he would stay and make sure you got up in time - so I did not need to stay. Michael said he had always wanted a ride on the back of a bike, so I gave him a ride round for about ten minutes before leaving. I know it was very late! It is possible that these two events have become crossed in time.

Graham - there was no other boy!

I remember the fire. You had gone into your bedroom when my mother called us to look at the fire. I do not remember pressing up against you but I am sorry if I did. We went on the bike the following day and found it was an old church/hall that had burnt down.

To the best of my memory I think I offered my resignation without Fr Gaffney asking but cannot be sure. I did know, however, that I would have to resign before I saw him.

I cannot remember the name of the pub as it was, I think, the only time I went in, but being half way down Station Rd on the right, it was the nearest. From the time I resigned, I did not ignore you - I am not like that, but I did avoid being alone with you. I do remember the journey home from Wales on the bike. We went along the A4 which I never normally use. There were two other members of staff present, one still teaches at Battersea. They came down by train or coach, I had been home so I met them at Chertsey in my car - sorry I did not make that clear.

 The first time I took boys camping was about 85-87. I trusted myself completely then but to be certain I never went alone with a boy. I cannot specifically remember Cleary, but he may have been one of a group of 5-6 boys I took then. I used the school minibus and slept in it whilst the boys slept in the school tent which I borrowed. I had permission from Fr Blackburn and the boys parents - nothing happened, or would have.

My father had been very ill in 69 - was in hospital till the following year when he had to dispose of it as he was no longer able to visit it regularly. I did not take any boys to the cottage from Battersea, I don't know where this came from but it is rubbish.

When I was interviewed by WPC Sarah Harris in 2000, the meeting in 69 and going to the pub was one of the few things I did remember at the time. Yes, I am totally sure we met and you told me you were working in a hospital (as a porter I think I remember). I also remembered that you had grown at least 3 inches since I last saw you.

I believe I became totally trustworthy after 68, or I would not have risked taking even groups of boys away. I could not face again how I felt in Fr Gaffney's office or the knowledge of the harm I could have done to a child had I repeated myself.

I very much hope this helps even if we do not totally agree on details of events almost 40 years ago. I hope you will feel better and make continuous progress.

Yours sincerely

29 June 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 25 June, which was very helpful. I have sent off for a copy of Martin's death certificate so that I can work out more precisely when it was that I disclosed to the Salesians what was happening. There are still a number of blanks to complete in the timeline, but I have almost pieced it all together.

I remember the day after the fire, you took me for a walk and you had some sodium in a bottle of oil. When we reached a small brook not far away from your house, you threw some small pieces of sodium into the water, where they exploded on contact. I also remember you took me to your university in South Wales. You showed me the lab you had studied in, and even made me sit on the very stool that you had sat on as a student. The irony here is that because of what you did to me, I never had the chance to go to university myself.

You may not be aware, but the Salesians are currently the subject of a huge scandal in Australia following the arrest of a Salesian priest, Fr Frank Kelp, on charges of child abuse. It seems that the Salesians covered up his offending behaviour as well, an almost identical story to how they covered up your abuse of me, the exception being that they only had to move you to Battersea rather than Samoa because you were never charged with any offence at the time.

What this has shown is that it was the policy of the Salesians to protect abusers within their organisation, regardless of the danger that placed other children in. I enclose a copy of a news article about the scandal, which appeared in on Australian news web site this morning.

There is no need to reply to this letter unless you want to add anything further that you might have thought of. I am going to try and get on with my life now so I won't be writing to you again for a while. If there is an issue you want to discuss, you can always talk to Stephen about it. Just let me know when and what time, and I will arrange for him to phone you.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

9 July 2004

Dear Hugh,

I know I said I would not write again for a while, but I have now seen a copy of Martin Allen's death certificate, which states that he died on 19 February 1968 at Atkinson Morley's hospital in Wimbledon. He was 16 years old. An inquest was held into his death on 22 February 1968, which concluded that he died from 'cerebral infarction due to internal carotid artery thrombosis following trauma during a game of rugby football.' This would mean that the requiem mass would have been a couple of days after 22 February. It also means that I made my disclosure to Fr Madden and Fr O'Shea a day or so before that.

I have thought hard about the time I told you, and concluded that you may well be right that the cricket nets were not up, but you were definitely bowling to a couple of lads in the place where the nets used to be. I think there was a mark on the playground that represented the wicket position. You were using a tennis ball. It would not have been possible for me to have told you at my house because my confession was so close to the mass itself, maybe even the day before the mass.

What I don't know is how long did you have to give as your notice period after you resigned? If you were still there, as you say you were, when I took my GCE's, that would have meant four months from the time of your resignation. So when did you actually leave Chertsey? If you could help me with these dates I would appreciate it.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

10 July 2004

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your letters of 29th June and 9th July. The date of Martin'e death was even later than I had remembered. I do not remember Fr Taylor (Rugby teacher) saying that Martin had received an injury during the match, I think he said Martin had started to drag one of his legs when he was running and he ordered him off. Martin did not want to go off but could not continue. I believe he collapsed a little later. I know our memories on when you told me are different but I think I am correct. You asked me to meet you and when I came over, we went for a short drive and then you told me they knew about us. I believe this was some time after Martin's funeral as I never connected it with what had happened.

One thing that may be significant is that some time after Martin's death, Fr O'Shea told me he was having difficulty teaching L, VI Sc as he needed more time to attend to school affairs and wanted me to take them over. I did but he must have taken a class or two off me to make this possible. I wonder if you remember did I stop teaching you some time during 68? It may have been the physics that was taken away. There may be no significance in the above, but I think now that there was! Again, I did not make any connection between this and us at the time.

A few other things I have remembered since my last letter are:- I remember as I resigned the night you told me, I believe it was much later than February. I am sorry I cannot be more accurate than this but I hope it helps.

I read the piece on Fr Kelp, it was news to me. I understood that the Pope had made it clear that abusers should not be protected/sheltered within the church, perhaps the Salesians had not heard!

I have wondered recently why Fr Williams told me about the post at Battersea, he had no need to as I had resigned and at the time I was effectively "History". I thought at the time he believed I would not offend again - now I am not sure. I was glad that they decided to trust me as I had nothing fixed up at the time. Before I decided on a career in teaching I had been offered a place with the G.P.O. doing research into transmitter materials. I considered either re-applying to them or going into medical research, but my heart had always been in teaching.

As I have been writing something has been going through my mind. Could you have told me twice? Once when the Salesians told you to tell me that they knew and later (perhaps in the summer term when the nets were up) you told me more? It might help explain some things.

Did the photos I sent help? If you have finished with them please send them back. I hope I have been helpful in this letter and may continue. Please keep in touch and I hope everything goes well for you

Yours sincerely

17 July 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 10 July, which was helpful. I think the differences in our memories of the actual date I informed you that I had told Fr Maddon and Fr O'Shea what you had done to me is not really that important any more, now that I have established the date of Martin's death.

You mentioned, however, that you had seen me in Fr O'Shea's car, and you presumed I was about to be taken to Battersea. I was interviewed at Chertsey, not Battersea. I have never set foot in school at Battersea, nor do I ever want to. I will hang on to the photos of the school for a while longer if you don't object as I am still trying to trace some of the priests on them, but I will keep in touch as you suggest. I think we have much still to talk about, how and when that will occur is not a priority for me at the moment.

There are major challenges ahead for me following your disclosure, which will determine how things develop from here on. Your agreement to help me unlock the conspiracy of silence with the Salesians is proving to be an interesting challenge in its own right. Their immediate reaction to me informing them recently that I now knew that they had lied to me during the mediation process threw them into convulsions. They rushed to the protection of their fat cat lawyer who threatened to silence me with an injunction if I said another word. I told them to piss off and said that I would respond robustly in any court to argue why any such injunction would be a breach of my human rights. They backed off, of course, which is typical of them.

In the meantime, I am continuing to develop my case against them, and in due course, I will ensure that you have ample opportunity to seek legal advice before you respond to any formal request I make of you to act as a witness for me against them in my civil action in the High Court. I know that you have expressed some fear about that when you spoke to Stephen, but at the end of the day, you have chosen to clear your conscience after all this time, for which I am extremely grateful, and the court case will be the absolute proof that you really are sorry for the damage you caused me.

In the meantime, I have now published the survival guide for victims of childhood sexual abuse that I told you about, a copy of which is enclosed for you to read. I hope that when you have read it, you will think very carefully about its contents, and then think of me. I have suffered everything that is in that booklet, and that suffering is still not yet over. Hopefully, at least partly due to your decision to tell the truth at last, my recovery journey will be a little shorter than it would have other wise been. You can have no idea what it has been like living with such a terrible secret, not being able to tell any one about it because I had always believed no one would believe me. However, all that has now changed, and I can at last bring some real closure to the whole sorry saga.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

24 July 2004

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your letter of 17th and the booklet you included. I have read it twice now and it has opened my eyes even more to what you have been through then and since. I believe its contents will be a help and comfort to anyone in a similar situation. I was astonished to read that the incidence of sexual abuse is so high. It implies that 10-35% of the population are abusers. While reading this, it passed through my mind that prevention would be better than having to pick up the pieces.

I think there must be three types of abusers. (1) Those who just want a child at any cost and don't give a damn about the harm done to the child, (2) Those who do care but cannot stop themselves and (3) Those who do care and could stop themselves if they knew the short/long term effects on a child. I was ignorant of the harm that I was causing and I believe that any professional involved in childcare/education should be made to listen to a tape/video of a child actor recalling the trauma they had been through.  It would not change the first two types of abuser but the third type might just be turned away from abusing children. Even if this helped only one child it would be worth it - what do you think?

The other two types could only be weeded out by psychological profiling but I don't know if it is effective - Has it ever been tried?

Please keep the photos as long as you need them and if you are able to scan those priests you want to identify send them to me. I did not know all priests on the photos, many only lived at the College and were not involved in teaching but I will do my best.

Your comments about the Salesians' reactions do not now surprise me. I think they may contact me and pressure me. If they do in writing I will send you a copy but I do feel very fearful for my future. I do not feel able to approach a lawyer as I do not trust them. I do not like the adversarial system as it will not always lead to the truth and a very smart lawyer can influence a jury more than the evidence justifies.

I am so glad that I have helped you by what I have said but now I feel terribly isolated. I feel unable to talk to anyone, even the psychiatrist I have been seeing since 98 when my mother died. I would appreciate a call from Stephen next week if possible just to talk to someone who knows.

 I hope you make rapid progress.

Yours sincerely
ps. my cousin will be staying with me for a week or so in August but I feel unable to talk even to him.

26 July 2004

Dear Hugh,

Thank you for your letter of 24 July. I have spoken to Stephen today. He is currently on holiday, but he is back next Tuesday 3rd August. He said he would be happy to talk to you on Tuesday afternoon, or on Wednesday if that would be more convenient. Please could you let me know which day would be best, and at what time should he phone you?

I am glad that you found my booklet informative, and I was interested in the questions you raised, which I will think about and reply to soon. I would not worry too much about the legal issues in relation to the Salesians. Any case against them will take at least five years to get to court - but I expect they will settle out of court before then anyway, in which case you would not have to give evidence in person. We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but I would urge you not to let it cause you undue stress.

One thing Stephen has advised is that if you do come under any pressure from the Salesians, you should not say anything to them as it could be interpreted that they were trying to intimidate a witness. Stephen says that when he talks to you next week, he will give you his personal mobile number so that you can call him if anyone does contact you, and he can then advise you accordingly.

Yours sincerely
Graham Wilmer

29 July 2004

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your letter of the 26th. It has given me a bit more confidence to face the future. I would like to talk to Stephen and will (I expect) be in on tues 3rd and wed 4th august after about 3.30 (sometimes my uncle requires me to stay and help). I am surprised that it can take up to five years to obtain justice now the facts are known. Send me any scans of people you want identified and I will do my best

Yours sincerely

On 5 August, 2005, Madley wrote one final letter to me, telling me that he had written to the lawyesr acting for the Salesians, to state categorically that their client's continued denials that they had 'never known anything about the abuse', was a complete lie. They responded by saying simply "This adds nothing."

This is what he wrote:

Mr J K Gatenby                                                                                                                                                5th
Addleshaw Goddard
100 Barbirolli Square
M2 3AB

Dear Mr Gatenby

SDB/Graham Wilmer and myself

I understand from discussions I have had recently with Graham Wilmer's care support counsellor, Stephen Williams, that the Salesian Order, whom you represent, is continuing to deny that they had any knowledge of the events that occurred at the Salesian College Chertsey back in 1966 and 1968, between myself and Graham. I further understand that your Client's denials have caused Graham to suffer a great deal of avoidable stress and anxiety, which has set back his recovery significantly.

In April this year, I made the decision to seek Graham's forgiveness for what I had done to him, following my discovery of the long-term harm it has caused him, which I had not fully understood until I was made aware of it in December 2003. As part of that process, I made contact with Graham through correspondence and through conversations with his care support counsellor at the survivor's group he attends. Although this was a very difficult decision for me to make, I felt that I had to do something to help him, and he has told me that it has helped him, now that I have told the truth about what happened. What still concerns me, however, and that is the reason why I am writing to you, is that your Client appears to be still trying to cover up the events of the past, at Graham's expense, in order to protect themselves.

This is a situation that I am not prepared to be party to, therefore, I am stating for the record that your Client has always know what had happened because after Graham disclosed to them in February 1968, I too disclosed to them, as they well know. The sequence of events was as follows: After Martin Allen's death on 19th February 1968, Graham disclosed to Fr Madden what I was doing to him. Fr Madden then informed Fr O'Shea, the head teacher, who arranged for Fr George Williams, the Salesian Provincial, to interview Graham.

Not long after this, Graham informed me he had told the Salesians about us. Although I told Graham at the time that I would deny it, I did in fact go to see Fr Gaffney, the Rector, and confessed to him what I had done. He asked me to resign, which I did. He said at the time that he would see Fr O'Shea the following morning and tell him that I had resigned. Fr Gaffney asked me to promise him that I would never offend against a child again, and I made him that promise.

Some time afterwards, I can't recall exactly how long it was, Fr Gaffney died, and at his funeral, Fr Williams told me that he knew what had happened and he wanted to hear it from me. I told him the full story and he asked me why I had done it. I told him that on the first occasion, I was unable to control my feelings for Graham. He said he could accept that on the first occasion, but he asked me about the subsequent times and I had no answer for that.

Fr Williams asked me what I was doing for the future following my resignation. I told him that I had applied for a couple of posts, but had not been successful. He told me that there was a teaching post vacant at Battersea and that were I to apply for it, he would not stand in my way. He said that he would arrange an interview for me. He also asked me to repeat to him the promise I had made to Fr Gaffney, which I did.

I applied for the post and was appointed following the interview. Fr Foley, the head teacher at Battersea, told me that I was to be supervised and that I was not to have contact with any boy on a one-to-one basis. The rest is history.

Given the seriousness of what happened, it is simply not credible that no one within the Salesian Order has any recollection of these events, and I am fully prepared to testify in court to the above if necessary.

I have copied this letter to Graham for his records.

Yours sincerely
Hugh Madley

5 August 2004

Dear Graham,

I enclose copy of letter to the Salesians' solicitors which I signed and posted at the same time. I truly hope it helps you but as I told Stepehen I am very nervous of what they may try and do to me.  If they contact me I will copy any material to you.

Yours sincerely